Contemplating a Peaceful Heart

I just love my life in China. I can't remember the last time that I felt this much joy, peace, and confident knowledge that I am where I am supposed to be. The pessimist in me is afraid to say say this. There is a little something in me that is terrified that if I say out loud how content I am, that all my present joy and peace will fly out the window. I have been whispering to myself how much fun I am having, how much I am loving my students, my coworkers, my new friends, the whole life. I love that there is always a group of friends ready to go here or there. Someone is always up for seeing a sight, visiting a different market, or just hanging out at another teacher's apartment. How much I love walking out to the bus station each morning, love being the one odd American in a sea of Asian faces, love trying new restaurants- foods from every place imaginable, love the intelligence and eager desire to learn that my Korean students bring to my classroom. Love joining hundreds of voices singing praises each Sunday in THIS PLACE! But I have been a bit afraid to say it out loud. Sure that to say it, would be to end it. That it would be the beginning of all the hard times I had imagined and prepared myself for.

I was reading my favorite Psalm this evening, when out fell a fortune cookie paper from College! Yes, years ago at Practical, I put a couple funny fortunes in my B of all places and one fell out in the middle of Ps 139. It said " An adventure awaits you that will change your life." At first I thought it was humorous that I had not read that in years, and it suddenly fell out. Then I thought about the irony of reading it on my first truly great adventure in quite sometime.

And then I was blown away by my own pitiful lack of faith. He brought me to this place! I was so nervous about coming, I asked everyone to remember me- especially the first few weeks after my arrival. I was so scared of trying to get settled with no knowledge of the city, the language, or the people. So terrified of coming alone. Not having a single person to call on for help.

For weeks I have been astonished at how easy it has been for me. I keep thinking, it should have been harder. Why am I not lonlier? Why have I made friends and formed relationships so quickly? Why have I had such an incredible support system of Chinese speaking friends to help me find the right places and spend the right amount....

So tonight, the blinders finally came off. What an amazing Father I have. How sweet to have been held in such loving arms throughout a potentially stressful and difficult time. I am on an adventure that is already transforming my life. But more importantly, I am confident that He is in the center of this adventure.

I am a realist enough to know that there will still be difficult and stressful times ahead, but what a beautiful marker to look back on and remember the incredible care I have recieved during this time. Thanks so much to all of you who have remembered me!